A Beneficial Friendship
by Risknight
Summary: Sheldon renews an old conversation with Penny.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory. For wolfofsheep, who never ceases to fill my head with the most fun ideas!  
**

* * *

He checked his watch one more time. Then he stood and smoothed his shirt before heading out of the apartment and across the hall.

_Knock, knock, knock, Penny?_

_Knock, knock, knock, Penny?_

_Knock, knock, knock, Penny?_

Sheldon waited for her to answer, nervously. She opened the door and smiled at him.

"Hey, sweetie. What's up?" Penny asked, moving aside so he could enter.

Sheldon moved to stand by her couch and cleared his throat. "Penny, I would like to make a proposal to you. You and Leonard broke up 6 months ago. Amy and I terminated out relationship 5 months ago after she insisted I either sleep with her or she break up with me. Neither of us has dated since. For 15 years I have managed my own desires myself. I have never felt the need or desire for intimacy with another person. However, lately I have begun to want just that. I do not desire a mate, or a girlfriend. I have heard you say on several occasions you do not want a relationship until after you finish your schooling. I would like to enter into a mutually beneficial paradigm wherein we will satisfy the other's sexual urges, but maintain only our friendship."

Penny gaped at him for several seconds. "Sheldon did you just ask me to be your fuck buddy?"

Sheldon turned a delicate shade of pink. "Yes, I did."

Penny wasn't sure if she was offended or amused. "Why me?"

Sheldon fidgeted slightly. "Because you are my friend. I trust you. I know you would never deliberately hurt me, or betray me. I find you appealing, and I think you find me appealing enough to consider it. Because you do not laugh at me, and you defend me, which tells me you would be generous and patient with me."

Penny blinked rapidly. Did he have any idea how sweet that was? "Sweetie, we had this discussion, kind of, once before."

Sheldon nodded. "Yes, and I recall it made you uncomfortable when I asked if you could remain emotionally uninvolved during sex. After careful deliberation I believe you can. I point out the various men you have brought home yet never become involved with as evidence."

Penny struggled to control her quick temper. "Sheldon, there's a big difference between a one-night stand and friends with benefits. Sometimes the friendship gets caught up in the sex and starts to change. It becomes more. Sex with the same person on a regular basis, leads to emotional ties, whether you want it to or not. Especially when that person is someone you care about already."

Sheldon frowned and looked down. "Hmmm. I did not know that." He was silent for a few minutes. "Okay, I accept your terms. Do we go to your bedroom now or would you rather go to mine?"

Penny's head was spinning. "What terms?!"

Sheldon blinked at her. "You're terms about our friendship becoming more."

Penny blushed a deep red. "Sheldon! I wasn't proposing terms! I was trying to explain that this wouldn't work!"

Sheldon's face drooped a bit. His eyes lost some of their sparkle. "Do you not care for me?" he asked softly. Sheldon started to turn away and Penny grabbed his arm.

"Sheldon of course I care for you!" Penny was becoming frantic. Sheldon was her best friend. How could she make him understand without hurting him?

Sheldon looked down at the floor. He tugged his arm from her hands. "You just don't want me, then."

Penny grabbed at his shirt. "Sheldon! Please, sweetie! You mean more to me than almost anyone. I just don't want to hurt you!"

Sheldon looked into her teary eyes, and leaned down slowly. Penny's eyes widened and she found herself unable to pull away. "Penny," he said softly, his lips brushing hers with almost infinitesimal pressure. Desire blazed to life inside her and she moaned. "Bazinga."

Penny's heart stuttered as Sheldon raised back up and grinned fiercely. In seconds he was gone. His parting words echoed in her ears. "Stop stealing my milk!"

Penny collapsed on the couch. Her pulse raced, her skin was flushed and as she licked her lips, all she could think of was he tasted like diet coke and peppermint. For several minutes she sat there trying to recover.

Slowly she smiled. If Sheldon could have seen her, he'd be quaking in fear. So he wanted to play dirty, huh? Game on!


	2. Chapter 2

**There was a huge thunderstorm last night, which means no sleep for me as I sit up with my kids. They hate storms. So while they laid on the couch and watched Spongebob, I decided to save my life by adding to this story. Because frankly, some of you are scary when you get riled up. (You know who you are) I honestly didn't mean to leave anyone hanging. I considered it a one shot and was content to leave the rest up to people's imaginations. However, lack of sleep, a headache from the thunder, and lots of coffee have a way of leading me in weird directions. So, I hope you enjoy my little caffeine fueled dementia.**

* * *

She was up to something. He just knew it. And by the way she was acting, it was something huge. She was too….nice.

She had bought everyone's pizza on Thursday.

On Saturday she joined him for laundry and she did hers exactly like he did his. She separated the colors, used the correct measure of detergent and to his shock, she had even purchased a flip-n-fold. Pink of course. And no inane chatter. She was quiet as a mouse unless he spoke first.

He didn't see her on Sunday due to her work schedule, but on Monday she dropped by Cal-Tech. She had signed up as a visitor for the day and she sat in the fourth row, left of center (the acoustic sweet spot in the lecture hall) and listened attentively as he gave a presentation on applied physics. She even asked a question that pertained to the presentation. She left as soon as the class was up.

On Tuesday she met them at the table with a tall glass of fresh lemonade for him. His burger was perfect. Each French fry was the same length as the others and just the right amount of crispness.

She worked Wednesday night, so she wouldn't be joining them for Halo. But there was a small note on his desk when he got home that read _Sheldon, I'm cheering for you tonight. I just know you'll beat them all. Your friend, Penny._

On Thursday she came over with a screener she had borrowed from an actress friend for the new documentary, Trekkies 3, that was coming out in a few months. Sheldon found it hard to concentrate of the dvd because he kept watching Penny suspiciously.

Friday he found himself unable to concentrate on his work. His mind kept trying to figure out what she was up to. Especially after she called him at noon, claiming she just wanted to "check up" on him because he seemed distracted the night before. Of course he was distracted! She was plotting something and he needed to find out what it was before she unleashed her evil scheme!

Saturday he and Leonard stepped into the hall to go to the grocery store and Sheldon squeaked in alarm to see Penny standing in her doorway. "Penny! W...why are you awake at 8 am?" Sheldon asked worriedly.

Penny walked over and smiled. She patted Leonard's arm and slipped in to hug Sheldon briefly. Then she walked back to her door. "Just wanted to say good morning to my guys. Have fun at the market!" She closed her door and Sheldon had to lean against the wall for a second to steady himself.

"Leonard, you saw that! She's planning to kill me. I thought she was just going to play a prank, but I was wrong. She is up before 11 _and_ she was smiling about it. Oh god, Leonard! You can't let her kill me!"

Leonard looked at him strangely. "She wouldn't' kill you, Sheldon." He started down the steps. Sheldon followed swiftly. Leonard paused on the second floor and looked at Sheldon strangely. Then he quickly shook his head and hurried down the steps. "No, of course she wouldn't," he mumbled.

Sunday Leonard, Howard and Raj went to play paintball. Sheldon was too upset. He stayed home and paced the living room. A knock across the hall made him scurry to the peephole. A man in a brown uniform was standing in front of Penny's door. Sheldon opened his door. "She's not home. She's at work."

The guy slumped his shoulders. "Drat. I've been trying to catch her all week. I have a certified letter for her and need a signature."

Sheldon nodded absently. "I'll sign for Penny," he said. His mind was already moving on from this momentary distraction and back to the problem of Penny's revenge. He signed the form on the clipboard and took the padded envelope. He glanced at it and saw it was from Omaha. Must be something from her parents. He tossed the mail on his desk and resumed his pacing.

A week passed and the next Monday found Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Howard sitting in the cafeteria at the university. Sheldon was a nervous wreck. Almost three weeks and Penny still hadn't made her move. Yet she was getting friendlier, nicer, and more accommodating. She had made him spaghetti with little hot dogs on the Sunday he signed for her letter. She paid for his meal on Tuesday. Thursday she had given him a set of Flash sheets for no reason at all. She said she saw them and just couldn't resist. Friday she had hugged him on her way to work.

"Sheldon Lee Cooper!"

Sheldon looked up in shock to see his mom, sister, and Meemaw bearing down on him. He jumped up and twitched for several seconds. He hugged his Meemaw quickly and looked at the other women.

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" he asked, looking down at Meemaw.

Mary Cooper shoved a piece of paper in his face. "Alright? My little boy gets married without telling me and you ask if I'm alright?! I outta turn you over my knee! How could you hide this!"

The guys gawked at Mary and Sheldon frowned with confusion. "Mommy, have you hit your head? Developed a tumor? Dementia? I am not married, George is."

Mary shook the paper and Sheldon scanned it. Then he grabbed it and read it again. Then he looked at his mom, looked at the paper and fainted.


	3. Chapter 3

Sheldon sat in his spot, numbly. Leonard was storming around the apartment, slamming doors, stomping his feet and growling at anyone who looked at him. Raj and Stuart were talking about how they always suspected this. Bernadette and Howard were discussing how great is was that there was a second married couple in the group. Mary and Missy were at the kitchen table planning a reception to make up for missing the wedding (that he hadn't known he was even having!). Meemaw was sitting beside Sheldon, knitting. She kept dropping little hints about great-grandbabies.

Sheldon could only stare at the marriage certificate. There it was in black and white. Penelope Rene Queen. Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. They were married. He looked at the date. It was the day he signed for her letter. He hadn't bothered to read what he was signing. He was too busy trying to circumvent her prank. She had used his distraction to her advantage. And now he was married to Penny.

A knock on the door shook him from his musings. The door opened and Penny bounced in. She grinned with delight to see everyone. Her eyes sparkled with mischief as she moved behind the couch and dropped a kiss on Sheldon's cheek. He gasped and looked at her with astonishment. Then she walked over and hugged Missy.

"Hello Mrs. Cooper," Penny said with a smile.

Mary shook her head. "Just call me Momma, darling." Mary pulled Penny into a hug. Meemaw stood and walked over. Mary released Penny and introduced them. Sheldon could only stare in bewilderment.

"So you're my Moon Pie's Penny!" Meemaw said. She hugged Penny tight and moved back to look her over. "You've made me so happy. I was worried my Moon Pie would never find that special someone."

Sheldon couldn't take anymore. He rushed over. "No! No no no no no! Penny, you tricked me! You know I didn't know what I was signing!" He shook a finger in her face. "You…you…" Words failed Sheldon. He was completely overwhelmed by fear, anger and something else. Something that was swiftly overtaking the fear and anger and turning it into …._hope?_

Suddenly a switch flipped in his mind. He was married to Penny. _**He **_was married to _**Penny**_. The only woman he had ever truly fantasized about. The only woman he had ever ask out because of his own free will. The one woman he had never dared dream would be his. The woman who he tried to get over by dating her exact opposite. And now she was his. By her own hand.

Slowly Sheldon stilled. "We're married," he whispered.

Penny laughed and crossed her arms over her chest. ""Well, not exactly," she said smugly.

Sheldon was confused. "What do you mean?"

Penny's eyes twinkled merrily. "Well, that was a real marriage certificate you signed. I had a friend at the court house get me one. I knew you'd see right through a fake one." She looked around the room at everyone. "So, once I had your signature, I called Meemaw and told her my plan. She brought the family to help. But I never filed the certificate. It was never entered into the county records. So, we're not _really_ married." Penny moved in close and kissed his lips lightly. "Bazinga."

Penny strolled out of the door and across the hall with a smug grin.

Sheldon stared at the door for a long time, stunned. Meemaw patted his arm and he finally looked down at her. She looked him in the eye and nodded.

"Just as I thought. You love her, don't you, Moon Pie?" she asked.

"Don't bother denying it," Mary said as she sipped her coke. "Darlin', I'm no genius, but it don't take no dummy to see you love that little spit fire."

Leonard tapped Sheldon on the shoulder. Sheldon looked at him with trepidation. Leonard laughed. "Don't fight it, Sheldon. You love her, and we all know it. Now, what are you going to do about it?"

Sheldon looked around at all his friends and family. Slowly he smiled widely. "I'm going to finish the prank.

* * *

Penny was ascending the stirs, sifting through her mail two days later. She came upon an unexpected envelop and frowned. She opened it up and read the letter inside. Penny stumbled in shock and landed on her ass outside Mrs. Varebedian's door. The door opened slightly and a little woman looked out.

"Are you okay?" she asked, peering at Penny from behind thick bifocals.

Penny looked up at her in shock. "I'm married. The bat crap crazy whack-a-doodle filed the marriage certificate." Penny slowly rose to her feet. Her eyes narrowed. "I'll kill him!" Penny headed to the stairs yelling at the top of her lungs. "SHELDON!"

Mrs. Vartebedian shook her head and closed her door. "'bout time you realized which one was the better guy," she muttered.

Penny stormed up the stairs and threw open Sheldon's door. She ignored the Cooper women sitting on the couch. She ignored Leonard sitting at his desk. All her attention was on the tall, lean, blue eyed devil leaning casually against the frame of the hallway.

Penny stalked forward. "Are you insane?! You filed the certificate?! Why in hell would you do that?!"

Sheldon quirked an eyebrow at her. "One thing we're going to have to get straight right now, Penny, is that no woman of mine will use that tone of voice with me. Now, be a good little wifey and make me a cup of tea. Earl Grey, a dash of milk, and one teaspoon of honey, please."

Penny's jaw dropped momentarily and her eyes narrowed. "Sheldon Cooper, you have exactly three seconds to take that back. Before I go Nebraska on your ass."

Sheldon bent quickly and crushed his lips to Penny's, cutting off her next words. Penny jerked away and swung her arm to punch him. Sheldon grabbed her wrist and jerked her up the step and into his arms. He captured her lips again and kissed her hard.

Penny struggled for a long moment, but with each passing second, her struggles got weaker and weaker. Soon she was clinging to him. The kiss turned gentle, coaxing. Sheldon slowly released her and looked into her eyes. "Tell me you love me," he said with a smile.

After Penny caught her breath she looked up at him. "You're annoying, aggravating, egomaniacal, pushy, frustrating, …" Sheldon started to frown down at her, "sweet, kind, gentle, handsome, generous and the most wonderful man I have ever known. I love you, Sheldon Cooper."

Sheldon grinned with relief. "I love you too, Penny Cooper." He drew her down the hall, never even noticing when Leonard ushered the Cooper women out of the apartment. He'd take them to Raj's so they could finish planning the reception. None of them wanted to listen to the Cooper's consummate their marriage.


End file.
